


Nothing Lasts

by paddlebrains



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders Era - Fandom, marauders - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paddlebrains/pseuds/paddlebrains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black and James Potter - the Dynamic Duo, the Terrible Twos, One Half of the Marauders (the dangerous half, some people say) - bottom line, it's Sirius Black and James Potter to the end. Best friends, and beyond that. Brothers.<br/>But where does Sirius fit when James has finally got the girl?<br/>How does Sirius fit when James is suddenly spending all his time with Lily?<br/>He doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Lasts

Sirius Black was not feeling sociable at this point in time, which explained why he was lying in a clearing deeper in the Forbidden Forest than most Hogwarts students would ever dare to go. Being an animagus had its uses - none of the creatures in the forest would give a second look to a black dog running through its territory, and in case anything was feeling brave, or especially hungry, he had placed a few warning wards around his clearing before settling down to lie back and stare at the stars. 

He brought the cigarette in his hand to lips and took a drag, holding the smoke in his lungs for a moment, before blowing it out. He watched the smoke blend with the stars above him and sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and exhaled sharply, letting his hand drop to the mossy floor. 

What the fuck was wrong with him lately?

He’d fucked some girl last night, couldn’t remember her name for the life of him. Teased her til she was begging for it, licked and sucked her til she came, than pounded her until he came seeing stars and dots at the edges of his vision. 

But he couldn’t even remember her name.

She was a Hufflepuff, maybe. She had been sweet. He’d held her while she slept for a while, trying to remember why he had decided to bed her. He’d gotten tired of laying there awake, thinking, and slipped away as the sky got light. 

He’d skipped all his classes, wandered the halls and secret passageways. Went to the kitchens for meals so he wouldn’t have to be around people. 

But he hated being by himself.

He didn’t make sense. Nothing did.

He hated thinking, and hated himself, and hated feeling like this, and hated James mostly. 

James fucking Potter with the perfect fucking girlfriend and the perfect fucking Quidditch captaincy and his shiny fucking Head Boy badge and fuck fuck fuck. 

He had just wanted a fuck. 

She told him she loved him, and he knew she meant she was half in love with him and half in love with who she thought he was. He knew she’d be easy and he knew she’d let him stay with her so he wouldn’t have to go back to his dorm and see perfect fucking James fucking Potter. 

_“You’re such a fucking prat Sirius!”_

He squeezed his eyes shut, as though that would drown out the voice in his head. 

_“Just because I’ve found someone doesn’t mean you have to sulk like a fucking child!”_

He lifted a shaking hand to his lips and took a violent drag.

_“You’re just fucking jealous Sirius – you know that? You just sleep the fuck around and never let anyone in and never tell anyone anything because it’s easier than actually feeling something!”_

He put his hand over his eyes.

_“Sometimes I wonder if you even feel anything for anyone but yourself at all.”_

“SHUT UP!” 

He’d screamed it. It tore past his lips, ravaged his throat and slapped James in his face, making contact at the same time as Sirius’ fist. 

They’d fought then. 

They’d fought before, of course. They always fought. It was the only way they ever knew how to solve anything. But this time was different. This time they had gone too far. They knew each other too well, knew the things that shouldn’t be said, and knew the things that would hurt too much. They had been said. Now they fought and they fought to hurt. To injure. To maim. To put the wounds that bled inside on the other’s face and body. 

Sirius hated being alone. 

Sirius hated being alone because he was never supposed to be alone.

He was supposed to have James.

But James had Lily, and all Sirius had a cigarette.

And a black eye. 

He groaned and propped himself up on one arm, taking a last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out. 

“Are you ever coming back to the room?”

Sirius should have known better than to assume that he wouldn’t get around the wards.

He smiled a bit, wincing at the cut in his lip opened again. He pressed a finger to it gingerly, “Depends.”

Remus walked over to sit down across from Sirius, “He misses you, you know.”

Sirius snorted.

Remus raised an eyebrow, “Don’t act like you don’t miss him. Miss us.”

Sirius looked at Remus, “Why would you miss me, Moony?”

“Because we’re not right unless we’re all there.”

“I don’t care about anyone but myself. Why would you want that in your group.”

“You know why, Pads.”

Sirius sighed and lit two cigarettes, handing one to Remus. He nodded in thanks and took a drag, looking away from Sirius, into the trees, “I come here sometimes too.”

Sirius nods, “I know.”

Remus looks back at him startled, “How?”

Sirius shrugs, “You only come here right before the full moon and for a few nights after. I noticed, and figured someone should go with you in case something happened. Not to intrude, but just make sure…” 

He trailed off. 

Remus took another drag, “So you fucked that Hufflepuff girl that’s been mooning after you since third year?”

Sirius grinned, “Yeah. She screamed like a porn star and sucks cock like a fucking pro.”

Remus closed his eyes, “You are incorrigible Sirius.”

Sirius nods proudly and lies back again. They’re quiet for a moment, than Remus says, “He didn’t replace you, you know.”

Sirius sighs, “Moony - ”

But Remus cuts him off before he can finish, “No, I know you’d never admit that you’re scared of losing your best friend because he’s in a legitimate relationship, but you are. You two are so fucking stupid sometimes honestly.”

Sirius snorts, “If you’re cursing Moony, you must be angry with us.”

Remus stands, “You know what, Sirius. If you want to sulk out here alone, that’s fine. But you’re being an ass. You both are afraid of the same thing and are too dumb and arrogant to admit it to each other, and that’s going to tear apart the first real friendship I’ve had since … well, since I got bit. And that’s not fair. It’s just not right.”

He waits for Sirius to say something, but he simply stares at the stars. 

Remus sighs and shakes his head, “You’re too damn stubborn for your own good, Black. It’ll be the death of you one day.”

He walks off through the woods and Sirius takes another drag of his cigarette.


End file.
